My husband doesn’t pay any bills

There seems to be a growing number of women who have taken up the traditional bread winner role in their families. This seems to be causing strife in many relationships.

Here is my assessment of the situation.

First we are seeing a role reversal in many relationships. Women have gone to school, have careers, and are earning money as well. In the olden days the man fully provided for the family. The woman took care of the home and looked after the children. This has since changed. Many women can now ably look after their families.

Role modelling. Many of us grew up in polygamous families. The father often provided for the family but in many cases the women had to fend for themselves. In cases of death of the father the women took charge of the homes and raised the children by themselves. This had the effect of demonstrating that women were capable of doing things on their own. For the girls growing up in such families this motivated them to replicate what they witnessed. For the boys it showed that women could handle. Boys who grew up in such families are likely to abandon their responsibilities to their wives.

Economic security is no-longer the key motivator for working women to enter relationships. As such women seek other things like emotional connection, love and trust in a relationship. When women don’t receive this emotional connection they will easily move on as they can take care of themselves and their children. Empowered women will not put up with the nonsense many men bring to relationships. As such they end up carrying the burden of the family alone.

Many young men have lost the sense of responsibility of being real men. Manhood to many young men means freedom to do as one pleases whenever. Many of us have been raised by single mothers and often lacked role models of how a real man should behave. Paying bills used to be the pride of a husband in the olden days. Nowadays many young men shun such responsibility. Given their natural disposition as caregivers women find themselves filling the gap to maintain harmony at home.

There is a possibility that our society has neglected the boy child. Girls are handled with extra caution and care from birth. Boys are usually let alone to figure things out by themselves. This has had the effect of empowering the girl child more than the boys. When these two finally meet in marriage a delicate dance ensues.

There is no easy solution to the predicament of role reversal in many relationships. Open communication on key expectations from both parties is a good start. Patience and understanding from both parties is necessary. Mutual agreement on who pays which bill is a necessary precursor to financial harmony in homes. We may also have to question the traditional family set up where the father fends wholly for the family. Given our different economic circumstances we may need to try different models which work best for us.